Here I go again...
I've decided there's more in me than housekeeper, peacemaker, reading teacher, and chef.
What I don't know, but I'd love to find some time to figure it out.
I tell Dave that I'm bored and feel like I'm only being used to half capacity and he tells me that I'm doing what's most important. And I agree. I just wish I could cultivate something that was just for me, only mine to grow and become better at and reap the satisfaction from. Basically I feel like being selfish.
And then I sniff Gav's little head as I'm carrying him to bed and I want nothing more than to hold him every second of the day and squeeze his soft little body and wipe his crusty little nose and inhale his warm sweet breath.
And maybe one day there will be time for me. And I'm sure when there is I'll want nothing more than to clean up the spills and stop the quibbles and make my babies their favorite dinners. And then I'll regret that I wanted anything more than to help two little boys learn to become two big men.
And I don't like to regret.
So maybe tomorrow I'll just try to be a good mommy. I think I might be able to swing it.
Wednesday, November 04, 2009
Itching...
Posted by Iliana at 7:55 PM
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8 comments:
why do i always cry when you post stuff like this? just what i needed to hear tonight. thanks iliana.
You are the best! Your men are so lucky to have you! I have always thought you should be a writer:) You are so funny and insightful!
I too think you should write, but don't worry there is a lot time in this life to accomplish all things. "a time for every season..." You are in the mommy season, and you are a good mommy! Remind me to tell you about a conversation I had with a former coworker the other day...very insightful thoughts about this time in our lives.
I completely understand how you feel. I have to remind myself every day that I am doing the most important thing. Being in this apartment with three little boys is not the greatest thing for my sanity. Can't wait until the house is done!
That is a beautiful picture of your boys!
Can I be the Devil and tell you to go ahead a be a little selfish? Then I won't feel so bad about myself.
I think a little selfish is good...like working out, doing triathlons, photograpy:) Too bad I can't get into any of them!
You are the least selfish person I know and even if you were a little selfish for one day... I think you would be ok.
Your Amazing! I wish we could have worked together! I love reading your blog. How about I pay you to write mine. lol : )
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