I'm so not Job...

Once, like 10 years ago, while working in the Scottsdale branch of Merrill Lynch, a short, fat, Christian, very kind black lady said, "Iliana, you have the patience of Job." I remember thinking, "wow, that is the craziest, most awesome compliment ever, and so very untrue." But I said thanks anyway. And now, when I'm feeling crappy, or thinking I'm not doing well enough, I remind myself that one person out there in the universe thought I was pretty good.

Today I realized my faith is lacking. It isn't new news, but it gets brought to my attention everytime there is change in my life. I hate change. That's why I have a rigid routine in place, why my kids sleep at the same time for naps and bedtime, why I make the beds in the same order every morning, and why some may call me crazy.

On Sunday night when I heard that BofA bought out Merrill I instantly panicked, started crying and immediately wondered what tomorrow was going to hold. Being who I am I started thinking about my food storage (or lack thereof), of the kids needing new winter clothes so they'd be warm, of money. It was a long night for me. And all night long I just kept thinking, "oh ye, of little faith."

Though things seem brighter this morning, and hope is high, and Dave's job doesn't seem threatened, and the world is still spinning, I'm still a bit scared of the unknown. And really, I'm annoyed that I'm scared of that. Buck up Il,

"Fear not, I am with thee; oh, be not dismayed, For I am thy God and will still give thee aid. When through the deep waters I call thee to go, The rivers of sorrow shall not thee o’erflow, For I will be with thee, thy troubles to bless, And sanctify to thee, and sanctify to thee, And sanctify to thee thy deepest distress"

you're not dying. You're boys are healthy, life is good. You're house hasn't been washed away by Ike, you are safe, you are fine. Who knew I was so dramatic?! Well, Dave knew, AND he married me anyway.

So since I've gotten a wake up call but again, I'm determined to plant that little mustard seed a little deeper and water it a little more so that when (and I'm sure they'll be a when) a real crisis occurs in my life, I won't start balling histarically for hours and call my mother and mother in law in pure panic asking them if there's room for the four of us :).

Back in the 1980's, Elder Holland gave a talk that included a story about Thomas Edison, and I thought it fit my bill perfectly...

Thomas Edison devoted ten years and all of his money to developing the nickel-alkaline storage battery at a time when he was almost penniless. Through that period of time, his record and film production were supporting the storage battery effort. Then one night the terrifying cry of fire echoed through the film plant. Spontaneous combustion had ignited some chemicals. Within moments all of the packing compounds, celluloids for records, film, and other flammable goods had gone up with a whoosh. Fire companies from eight towns arrived, but the heat was so intense and the water pressure so low that the fire hoses had no effect. Edison was 67 years old—no age to begin anew. His daughter was frantic, wondering if he were safe, if his spirits were broken, how he would handle a crisis such as this at his age. She saw him running toward her. He spoke first. He said, “Where’s your mother? Go get her. Tell her to get her friends. They’ll never see another fire like this as long as they live.” At 5:30 the next morning, with the fire barely under control, he called his employees together and announced, “We’re rebuilding.” One man was told to lease all the machine shops in the area, another to obtain a wrecking crane from the Erie Railroad Company. Then, almost as an afterthought, he added, “Oh, by the way, anybody know where we can get some money?”
Virtually everything you now recognize as a Thomas Edison contribution to your life came after that disaster. Remember, “Trouble has no necessary connection with discouragement—discouragement has a germ of its own.”

Why didn't I just call up my mother and say, "Hurry, turn to CNN, Dave's company may no longer exist and the whole financial industry in general is going crazy. This is amazing, we may never see anything like this again. This could be an awesome new beginning!"

Maybe next time I will. And since I screwed up with my reaction this time, I'm sure I'll be given a do- over by the One in charge.

I hope for these turkey's sakes I can be a better example.

And I hope that their care-free, play filled, lovely lives can continue for a very long time. And that when that time is upset by trial, they can be like their dad, and have lots and lots of faith.